On The Art of Deadma

I love Anne Curtis. I follow her on every social media account I own hence I’ve heard or read her say or tweet once or twice about the “art of deadma”. Before, I couldn’t really relate much to what this meant. For me years ago, I cared so much about what people thought and said about me. I am a Libra and I’ve read one too many times that we are the ultimate people pleasers. I don’t exactly believe in horoscopes and the reading of the stars but this trait they attribute to Librans is one thing I admit to be true – to me, at least. Looking back from when I was little, I was truly that girl who followed rules strictly and would never be caught doing something the adults have said NO to. I liked to get on the good side of people even when I didn’t get too comfortable in it. I would say yes to anything people would tell me. I would rarely be heard disagreeing especially to adults and people in authority. I grew up like that. And I was okay. I never got into trouble.

However, having that kind of mentality as an adult sucks. It is not healthy. You got to have your own choice and your own voice. You are earning and paying your bills, for crying out loud. But I still find myself stuck in my want to please people and my want to be assertive sometimes. And it’s not a happy position to be in.


I meet so many people, especially in this job, who are so bold with their thoughts and opinions, people who are so liberal with their ideas and who can’t just seem to get hold of the words coming out of their mouths, people who always think they’re right and are cocky about it, people who would push their judgments, people who seem to always have a say about something, smart mouth, people who pretend to be smart, people who call themselves educated but in manners are clearly not, people who have so much negativity in their vibe, people who only talk but never listen. God, I’ve seen them all. What irks me the most are people who literally have no holds barred with their opinions, tell it straight to your face, act so smart and experienced about it and shove it down your throat. Especially people who are like this re your personal life! As if they know you. As if they know your story. As if they know better.

So many people are quick to pass judgments and I may be guilty of this too sometimes but I’m not alone in knowing that there really are people who give judgments as though it’s their job – as though their life depended on it. Right now, you may even have a specific person in mind (wink! I gotcha!).  And really, what can we do about these people? Not much except employ the art of deadma. I’m definitely not the kind of person who gets provoked in  a word war easily and I don’t think it’s worth the time and energy with these people. What I do is I just breathe, let them talk all they want, pretend to be smart all they want and smile. Sometimes my therapy is to talk to my friends, family or fiance about these people and that’s when I pour all my emotions – most of the time, annoyance. 😉

If we allow every person’s comment or remark get under our skin every single time, we would get wrinkles even before we reach 30! Be selective in your battles, they say. And I couldn’t agree more. Not everyone is just worth your time, your energy and your peace.


Let me end this with this quote I’ve seen in Pinterest: “Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self-worth.”

Listen to your heart, breathe and together let’s be unfuckwithable. #


  1. Reading your blog always had that certain effect on me, i don’t usually post a comment but i do always read ur entry,please do write more, it helps me de-stress most of the time 🙂 Thank You!


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